The king is dead.
Long live the king.

After the big terrorist attacks against America, there was a lot of talk
about the "death of irony." Fortunately, the rumors of this particular
demise were a little premature. This is a good thing too, because, believe
it or not, irony may very well be our only hope for lasting peace, not to
mention a brighter and more equitable future for everyone around the world.
Now, you may think I'm being ironic when I say this, and well, yeah, I am!
But, not for the sake of humor or sarcasm, but for the sake of truth.

Irony is a tool of language, and like any tool, it can be used for good or
bad. Pointing out the ironic can be used for far more than just scoring a
smart-aleck point. It can be used to change people's perception in a
positive way, but only so long as it's spoken with genuine compassion and
concern. So, to paraphrase the campaign slogan of a certain current U.S.
president, what the world really needs right now is a form of "compassionate
irony."

There is an old saying in the Middle East: "In the land of the blind, the
one eyed man is King." Well, I say "In the land of one sided truths, irony
is King." (Long live the King!) There is always more than one side to a
story. In fact, there's always more than two. More often than some would
like to admit, different people may carry different versions of events in
their minds with different interruptions of reality in their heart, but
paradoxically, each version can still be the truth.

I say never trust anyone who tells you their version is the only way,
because I can guarantee you that, not only does this attitude almost always
comes from arrogance, but it's also almost always wrong too. An appreciation
of the ironic can provide the means to debunk such conceits, and can also
lead to an understanding of how different seemingly opposite versions of the
truth can all be true.

At this very moment, the world is at a crossroad. It seems we are divided
between two paths. Now, if you watch the news, and listen to all the talking
heads and self proclaimed leaders out there, the two sides are the either
(their truth, version 1) the good and noble forces of a world that can be
united in capitalism and democracy against the self-righteous tyranny of a
minority of fundamentalists and terrorists; or (their truth, version 2) the
good and noble forces of a world that can be united by fundamentalists and
terrorists against the self-righteous tyranny of capitalism and democracy.

But here's the ironic truth of it all: both sides are equally right, and
equally wrong. So much so, that they are actually just two sides of the same
coin. Both sides want to eliminate the other, and are bent on doing so
through violent means. Both sides feed off each other's anger and hatred,
and in so doing, they take actions that ultimately only increase both their
collective sense of self-importance and their interdependence on each other.
But, it's a big world out there with lots of different people and different
points of view. When two sides, in effect, become one, there is always
another way.

Right now, humanity is indeed torn between two paths, and a battle for the
fate of the world really is being waged. However, the real sides of this
conflict are not the "capitalist democracies" versus the "fundamentalist
terrorists." The true struggle is being waged by the relative minority of
selfishness and violence against the true majority of humanity whose
survival depends on peaceful coexistence.

The real battle that needs to be won is not in a conflict of ideology verses
theology, or some battle between Christianity and Islam. What's needed is a
victory of the power of unity and creation over the forces of division and
destruction. This is really a struggle between true freedom and
communication against inflexible laws and dogma. It's battle being waged by
those who would use guns and bombs to enforce both their will and sense of
order versus those who use compassion and generosity to spread goodwill. In
classic terms it truly is a struggle between good and evil, and the great
irony of it all is that those who are most vocally proclaiming themselves
the good guys and their enemies as evil, are actually the real enemies of
true goodness everywhere.

It's seeing this type of irony that can save the world. The major battles of
the two world wars fought in the twentieth century were waged over territory
for gains in ground. If all those folks looking to prove Nostrodamus right
out there are correct, and the attacks of September Eleventh (or nine-eleven
for those of you who like your dates in number form) really were the start
of some third world war, then the major battles of this war will be fought
over the mediums of communication for gains in mass support.

You can't create lasting peace and unity with gunfire and explosions, and
even the most violent proponents of single minded ideologies know this. That
's why terrorist stage their attacks for TV cameras, and why even the most
hawkish politicians and generals speak the language of peace during their
press conferences. But, if you look past the speeches, you can see the
violence inherent in the elected and appointed official's actions. If you
listen beyond the noise of the terrorist's bloody attacks, you can hear
their desperate attempts to win popular approval through their rhetoric.
They're all trying to win us over to their side. But make no mistake, they
are all also threatening that if you don't join them, or if  you get in
their way, one way or another, they'll take you out!

Well, I say we don't join any of them! There is another way, a better way.
If their weapons are bombs, than I say we utilize a means that is the exact
opposite of a bomb. What is that you ask?

Hmm, that's a tricky one. There really doesn't seem to be any word in the
English language that is the opposite of the noun "bomb," does there? Maybe
if we had one, we could solve the problems of the world. But, don't despair,
I believe that through the amazing powers of irony, we can come up with
something!

How about this: the opposite of a bomb is a kiss.

"A kiss!?" you say? "Is that the best you can come up with!?" And for those
of you saying this, I admit, I can see where you might be skeptical. I mean,
after all, a bomb can kill thousands, perhaps even millions, in a single
blast. If a kiss were truly the opposite of that, it would have to save
thousand or even millions of people in an instant, right? Well, I say one
kiss can do just that, and I'm going to tell you how.

In the East there are those who like to call America, particular its
Presidents, like George W. Bush, "the Great Satan." In Islam, Satan is a
subtle liar, a deceiver who plays upon one's greed by offering prosperity
with one hand, and withholding it with the other. A trickster who promises
salvation comes with acceptance, all the while guaranteeing damnation with
compliance. The people who want to vilify George W. Bush and his ilk point
to policies that are offered with the promise of wealth and economic freedom
for everyone, but seem only to bring poverty and the servitude to most. They
refer to the public speeches that contain promises of equality and
acceptance for all, and then point out that the reality actually seems to be
a system of the wealthy privileged keeping the poor masses at arms length.

Most people in the west, particularly in America, find this characterization
unfair, but I say for the sake of irony, we accept it, at least for a
moment. Let's say George W. Bush, the President who embodies the spirit of
American policy, is actually the Great Satan.

But, in order to keep with the truly bipartisan spirit of the ironic, it
would indeed be unfair to ignore what many in the West call their enemies.
They like to single out Terrorist leaders, like Osama Bin-Laden, and call
them "the Antichrist." In Christianity, the Antichrist is the Prince of Lies
who is a violent and destructive force. The Antichrist is evil and unholy in
every way that Jesus Christ (peace be upon him!) was good and holy. A truly
ironic disposition if ever there was one! So, once again in the spirit of
irony, I say we accept this characterization too, and say Osama Bin-Laden is
the Antichrist.

To see how this works, let's think about the story of Jesus, the "Christ,"
for a moment. Since both Christians and Moslems revere Jesus, this shouldn't
be too difficult for anyone to follow.

In the beginning of his prophetic career, Jesus spoke of God (Jehovah) in
terms of love and unity for his people. Later on, he spoke of taking an ax
to every tree that did not bear good fruit, and of tossing them into the
fire. He rode triumphantly into the city of Jerusalem with a crowd of
followers, many of  whom believed he would lead them in a revolution to
drive out their oppressors, the Romans who occupied Judea. However, these
so-called followers soon abandoned him. Not because he lead them in a
loosing war, but because he chose not to fight at all. Instead of taking up
the path of the sword, he chose to surrender peacefully when the authorities
came for him, and in so doing, ensured his own crucifixion. Yet in the end,
his self-sacrifice lit the path to salvation for all those who truly
followed his way.

Now let's consider the life of Osama Bin-Laden. Like Jesus, he too started
out speaking of God (Allah) in terms of love and unity for his people. In
this case it was for the cause of a united Islam. It wasn't long, however,
before he too began to preach taking up the ax. He gathered many followers,
and rode with them triumphantly towards the promise of revolution. In this
case, it was into Afghanistan. But his followers did not abandon him because
he actually chose the path of the sword and fought and killed his enemies,
the Soviet forces that occupied Afghanistan. In time, his people drove them
out and defeated them. So, in taking this course, we could say he chose the
exact opposite way of Jesus. We could almost call it the "anti-path" of
Christ.

When that war in Afghanistan was over, Osama continued to choose the
opposite way. Where as Jesus surrender himself to the seemingly unjust
authorities of his age, and allowed himself to be crucified, Osama hid from
the authorities of his time. Instead of self-sacrifice, he chose a course
that lead to the sacrifice of others to further his own aims. From such a
perspective, it can truly be said that the way of Osama is the opposite of
Jesus Christ. In other words Osama bin-Laden is the "Anti-Christ." Jesus and
Osama are two inverse opposite reflections of each other as surely as good
is the inverse of evil.

So what does all this have to do with a kiss? Well, Jesus was betrayed to
his captors by a kiss, and though this kiss lead to his individual demise,
it was Jesus' legacy, and not that of his enemies, that endured. The Roman
Empire crumbled as Christianity rose to prominence. One single kiss changed
the destiny of not just thousands or millions, but eventually billions of
people around the world. For good or bad, you cannot deny the reality of
this. And, regardless of if you view this story as the gospel truth or just
a clever metaphor, it's difficult to reject at least the possibility of such
a sequence of events.

Now, some may argue that even if that's what really happened, it was a long
time ago; an isolated event in all the history of the world. "And besides,"
they may also point out, "that particular kiss was one that lead to death.
How's that the opposite of what a bomb is designed to do?" Well, in that
particular case, I suppose such an argument might be true, but here's where
a good sense of irony really comes in handy.

If Jesus Christ was a force of good in his own lifetime, and his opposite,
the Antichrist, who we've decided we can say is Osama Bin-Laden, is a force
for evil in his time now, then a kiss used as the instrument against good
then can become a means against evil now. If a kiss symbolized the betrayal
of Jesus, then I say a kiss to Osama can be a symbol of devotion to virtue.

If a kiss can send a peaceful man to an unjust fate, might not a kiss to a
violent man bring him to justice? If Judas is remembered as evil for selling
out Jesus to the Romans for thirty pieces of silver, how might the world
regard a man who delivers Osama to the Rome of this age, America, for a fist
full of dollars?

So, instead of wishing someone would drop a bomb on Osama Bin-Laden and his
ilk, I say we pray someone delivers him a kiss. Instead of plotting the
means to bring him in for execution only to have his name written in the
book of martyrs, I say we deny him the glorious death he surely seeks, and
instead hope he lives a long life as a forgotten failure.

Now, this course of action may seem to take care of the West's idea of the
Antichrist, "but," you may ask "how would this take care of the East's Great
Satan?" Wouldn't getting rid of old Osama the Antichrist just be a victory
for the Great Satan? I say no.

Why? Because in getting rid of Osama without firing the shot that takes his
life, we deprive those who would use him as an excuse to further their own
course of oppression the enemy they need to rally their people against. What
George W. Bush and his political cronies want is not to plunge the world
into a global war of annihilation, but to reestablish what they perceive as
America's glory days, the cold war. In so doing, they assure that their
military might preserves it's preeminence around the world, and that the
corporate structures that support it remain lucrative and profitable in the
process.

Where as the fundamentalist terrorists use raw violence and destruction to
further their aims, many of the so-called leaders of Bush's kind of
capitalism and democracy use suspicion and paranoia to bring the general
population under their control. After all, aren't great crusades of the
modern era like "The War on Drugs" and now "The War on Terrorism," at least
a good excuse to keep us dependent on the institutions that organize and
fight them?

If we refuse to buy into the lie that the world needs to exist in a constant
state of war to keep going, what excuse can they use to sustain their need
for conflict? If we refuse to be afraid of the enemy they're trying to get
us to hate, what power do they have over us? If we stop allowing ourselves
to be blinded by the differences between people around the world, we can
cease to be pawns in the constant and tiresome power struggles that drag us
all down into an endless spiral of violence.

Those who prey upon our worst fears depend on magnifying their own
importance beyond all reason to inspire terror in our hearts. In this
respect, how much different is George W. from Osama? For this and no other
reason, I personally refuse to diminish myself and my integrity by wishing
harm on any of them. I will never allow myself to become like them. I will
not give them the satisfaction of provoking me into becoming angry and
hateful. They're not worth the price, which is to give in to the fear they'
re trying to encourage.

Never ever forget, the price of anger and hatred is always living in fear.
Fear of retribution, fear that those you oppose will do to you exactly what
you want to do to them. When someone threatens your life or the lives of
those around you, sure, you have a responsibility to try to stop them, but
the simple undeniable reality is that the vast overwhelming majority of us
have more power to end the violence of the world through standing together
then we do trying to tear each other apart.

Instead of living in the fear motivated by both the terrorists and the
industrial-militarists who want to destroy them, I say we laugh at them all!
Those who seek power over us through terror and intimidation want us to
place crowns forged from our obedience and respect on their heads. If they
want to be kings, I say fine, lets make them kings; Kings In Irony!

I say let's all see them for the wonderfully pathetic and absurd fools they
really are, and give them credit where credit is due. If they want their
reputations blazed into the hearts of people everywhere, I say we take every
opportunity to point out their real merits to anyone who will listen. They
are fools. And in their foolishness they become the very embodiment of evil.
Evil is nothing to fear, because fear only encourages evil.

Evil can only be fought by goodness, and there is always goodness among true
friends and companions who share a healthy laugh together. People laughing
together are much more likely to get along then those who plot and scheme
together. After all, compassion doesn't comes from inflicting retribution,
but from seeing the joys of life, and expressing a willingness to share them
with others. If you want to relieve suffering, don't set out to create more.
If you want to stand against both the terrorists and the militarists, don't
be afraid of them or wish them harm. Instead, just wish them a big, joyous,
sloppy, wet kiss on the lips!

If you can't stand the hypocrisy of these so-called world leaders, don't
take up their methods, work to expose them. The corruption of a few only
stands so long as the majority remain divided against them. If you want to
relieve the poor of the inequities and suffering imposed upon them, don't
take up arms, build lines of communication. If we sincerely work towards
getting together with one another, we'll find that we'll also end up sharing
more and more in common. And as that happens, we'll discover that, together,
we can stand united against all the petty, selfish, would-be tyrants the
world can throw at us.

Great Satans, Antichrists; it doesn't matter, they're all the same. They're
nothing but power-hungry, greedy, delusional fools, who are all secretly
terrified of what we can accomplish together without them. We don't have to
kill them to defeat them! If we stand together and defy their so-called
leadership, we can all laugh without fear at their misguided attempts to
control us. And, when that happens, I say the threat they pose will truly be
dead in our hearts.

I know, I guess you say I say a lot of things! But, at least I know, in the
end, I'm only one man. I also know that no one has a monopoly on the truth.
So, if you don't believe me, then all I can say is prove me wrong! Let's get
a few billion people united against the hateful and the violent demagogues
trying to rally us into a frenzy, and if the color doesn't drain from their
little, red, angry faces when they see us together, I'll retract my every
word!

Come on, let's do it. I say it'll be fun! But then again, I always did have
a sort of ironic idea of fun.

A king of this world lives only in irony.
A kiss that can kill a king is the bomb of irony.

The king is dead.
Long live the king.


-JP George
07 October, 2001


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